Reset Your Child's Emotional Thermostat
Oliver James’ new handbook, ‘Love bombing – Reset your Child’s Emotional Thermostat’ offers a new method for parents to help their children, whether the problem be great or small. Over one hundred parents have used it, with dramatic effects. Oliver James is a clinical child psychologist and one of Britain’s best known psychology writers, whose previous books include the acclaimed Affluenza and They F*** You Up.
Written for parents of children aged from 3 to puberty, Love Bombing (LB for short) puts the child in charge and enables it to feel loved. It helps parents understand what the child needs and changes the whole trajectory of the relationship. Whether the problem be mild, like shyness or underperformance at school, or whether extreme, like temper tantrums, hyperactivity or even Asperger’s Syndrome, LB can make a huge difference.
Because so many parents have periods of living very busy, or miserable or complicated lives, most of us need to reconnect with our children from time to time,” says Oliver James. “Love Bombing does the job”. He originally developed the method as part of his work presenting three series of parenting programmes on ITV’s This Morning. He adds “The success with LB is that it doesn’t only reset your child’s emotional thermostat but helps the parents learn, or re-learn, to understand their child’s emotional needs. It is something much more than just ‘quality time’, LB creates a zone where the child can be a toddler again, but this time it feels safe, valued and in control
The method entails taking the child away from the rest of the family for a concentrated period of love and control. If done for one or two nights, it can be carried out at home, sending the rest of the family to stay with relatives, or by going somewhere else, usually to a hotel or B & B. Equally, it can be done in shorter bursts, like for a single day or just for as little as half an hour spread over the week. It does not require any financial expense.
The book is written in highly accessible language, the method is simply explained and is illustrated with cases. For instance, one mother wrote to James…
That weekend was brilliant as the beginning of a new way of going on between us, a springboard for me to change my approach. Over time, we have built up trust between us. When she was smaller I think my love was too conditional on her obeying me.
The strength of the book is that this truly is a self-help, easy to achieve method: it is not based on formal sessions between psychologist and patient. All Oliver James’ case studies are based on correspondence and discussions between him and the parents concerned before and after using the Love Bombing method. Just like the book itself, the expert simply sent them a short protocol explaining what to do, and the parents did the rest.
Oliver James says: “The method works equally well whatever nationality you are in because the fundamental needs of children are the same everywhere. The book has an international feel at the author has already been contacted by more than eighty mothers all over the world who have tried the method and found it works.
Asked why the book concentrates on mothers, Oliver James says that “The need is for Love Bombing to be carried out by the main carer – and that is still usually the mother”.
The book includes twenty case studies but LB doesn’t work for everyone and so for completeness James has included 4 which were unsuccessful.